DH and I are trying very hard to decide whether to try for another baby. We have DD (7) and DS, who will be 2 this month. Both took a long time to conceive, though the pregnancies were without complications once they came along.
When I was pregnant with DS, we said "as long as this is working, lets try to have another one right away so they'll be close in age!" Well, along comes DS with colic and allergies and you-name-it, and after 8 months of walking the halls all night with a screaming baby, we decided this was why God gave us only 2 and spaced them so far apart--LOL. Truthfully, I have only just gotten my energy back and we are just now pulling our lives back together from all that. And of course, what happens now that things are settled--we start wanting another baby!
I am 39 and DS is 41. Pregnancies haven't come easily for us, and I'm not sure I want to go through that again. And I don't even know if we have it in us to take care of 3 small kids at our age. As it is, DH will be in his 60s when DS is in college! But yet, we just can't let the idea go. We discussed getting rid of the baby stuff and being done with it, but we can't do it. Maybe its just hard to let go of the idea after all our years of trying. We always wanted lots of kids. We even discussed adopting older kids between the ages of our two.
I think it would help to have an opinion from someone without all of our emotional baggage!! Anyone else ever been in our shoes?? Anyone know what they would do if they were in our shoes??

Well I don't know how non-biased I'm going to be, as we've been trying for 3 years now to have another, but I'll try. I'd say, go for it. If you can't get it out of your mind, then go for it! Either adoption or biological works - from what I'm reading, your desire is to bring another child into your lives and enhance your family, and adoption does that just the same as biological birth. Again, I don't know how much help I am. LOL

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~~Amanda~~ Mommy to one Little Man (3 1/2 yrs old), TTC #2

WE'RE ADOPTING!!!
http://daughterinthedistance.blogspot.com/

I don't think there's a right or wrong decision here. Go with your instincts.

My brother is 46 and has his first child, now 6 mos. old. In contrast, my youngest is a junior in high school and I'll only be 42 years old when she graduates.

Thank you both so much for your insights! This is such a difficult thing to discuss and you both pointed out things I hadn't thought of. If I can't get it out of my mind, it probably isn't time to quit. And I never though about the fact that there is no right or wrong decision here--that takes so much pressure off!!! We've been over and over trying to figure out what we are "supposed" to do.
And true, the bottom line is that we want to add to our family. I suppose there is lots of time to adopt, little time to conceive. I suppose we could try both and whichever works, works.

I admire you for the fact that you want to adopt an "older" child. Most people who want to adopt only focus on the infants. I always thought it would be awesome to adopt someone-probably around the age of 5. Potty trained yet not at the point where they are so opinated that I can't knock two cents into them!

I agree with the other two ladies. My dad was the oldest dad in my graduating class. I actually look at him now playing with my daughter (his first grandchild) and I seriously think he has more energy than when I was growing up. Maybe its just more free time, but its really nice to watch.

A positive note to your DH being "aged" when your DS graduates, or even a future child, he will hopefully be able to retire when all the kids are out of the house and you two can enjoy your empty nest! Unless you reach that point and decide you want to adopt another child!

If God doesn't want you to have any more biological children, he won't let you. There are reasons why it takes some couples longer than others to get pregnant. Just because you had difficulities in the past doesnt mean it will this time. Why don't you talk to your doctor about fertility drugs to help the process? Or just take it as it comes. You could say "Ok, one year. If we're not pregnant in one year than we're definetly going to adopt". Do whatever your heart tells you to do.

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I say go for it! I am pregnant with our 3rd which we weren't too sure about either. Our first two are 5 yrs apart because it took awhile to conceive 2nd. We were on the fence about the third but thought we should try for a short time and bingo we got pregnant right away (2nd and 3rd will be 19 months apart)! Now I am certain this will be our last and am happy and that we tried and now know for sure (and am at peace) that I am ready to hang up my uterus. Also, as far as age goes, it is very common these days to start families in the 40s...I bet your kids will have friends with parents the same age or older.

I will agree with all the previous posts... do what your heart is telling you to do! If you want to try for a baby do it, and if that doesn't work you can always look into adoption. If you feel that you would like another child in your life I say go for it. Good luck!

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