Bulk Purchasing of Progressive Lizards, or, Shopping For Auto Insurance

Unlike the guests on Oprah's Debt Diet, our budget doesn't have a lot of wiggle room. We don't have four cable boxes to turn in for cash -- in fact, we don't have cable at all. No leased pianos. We don't eat $29,000 a year in take out. We actually own pans and silverware. Nobody has 16 pairs of $60 jeans in their closets. We don't have any cars that I forged Husband's signature to get. And we certainly don't have a Beamer and Tahoe in the garage, but we do have a van and piece of crap car that both need some form of insurance.

Before we moved to Nice Midsize City over a year ago, our insurance bill was monthly, like most bills on the planet. But somewhere in the chaos of the move and setting up new insurance, we must have agreed to the what I like to call the random bill method, which I think, in theory, saves us a few dollars here and there.

I know that someone isn't sitting in some suburban strip mall arbitrarily sending us bills, but we never remember the bill is coming and because we live paycheck to paycheck, a few hundred dollar bill every few months really hoses everything up. Sure, we may have saved a dollar a month in services fees, but since we ended up paying the bill with the Magic Money account, the random bill method most certainly is not saving us any money.

So, we get a random bill and discuss how we're going to pay it and we end up in yet another long discussion about our bills. Is it annual bill? No, I think we just paid it? Did YOU pay it? Is it quarterly? That's weird. Maybe? Second of two installments? What in the sam hell does that mean?

Inspired by those money mavens on Oprah, I dial up Sandy, our local insurance agent to get things cleared up. Sandy's voice, by the way, is exactly like Marge from the movie Fargo and is someone that we might run into at the grocery store. Heck, Sandy is probably someone that I'd just plain run into. Like with my big-ass van. That would certainly make the insurance process easier. "Oh, haaaayy Sandy! How's it goin'?? Um, this is awkward, huh? Ok, how 'bout if you take care of all the insurance paperwork and I'll take you to lunch, 'k?"

So, I called Sandy and ask her what exactly "second of two installments" meant. I told her about my random billing method theory, which she didn't think was interesting, funny or least bit entertaining. She tells me that auto insurance is based on six months and that we pay twice every policy period. I ask her why. She doesn't really know.

This would make sense if it were on an annual basis, but second of two installments every six months just doesn't make sense. Why can't they just write that? The word"quarterly" comes to mind, or phrases like "this is your second of four annual payments" seem to make sense. And installments? Is that to sound better that payments? Premium? I know it as cheap beer from college, not an uppity word for "bill". It's all just a bill. A bill is a bill is a bill is a bill.

I tell Sandy that I needed a copy of our policy because we were shopping around. Amazingly, in the information she sent, she wrote a note that said they were in the process of lowering their rates, which we'd see reflected on our next bill. Would that be the first of the second half of two installments then? Hmmm, verrry interesting.

Paperwork in hand, and not a clue in the world as to what any of it meant, I got to work trying to find lower insurance rates. Here are my unscientific, completely biased opinions of a few online auto insurance options:

Geico.
Ready to save 15%, just like the gecko promises, I signed on to Geico. Easy to use. Fun. Probably more fun since it was the first one I did. Estimated annual savings every six months: $77.10 or $154.20 a year. Not bad until I subtract the savings we get from having our homeowner's and auto insurance bundled through Sandy. It ends up being a wash. So, we could save 15% or more, but we won't be.

Progressive.
Ok to use. Not as fast. Not as fun. And sorry, but, if you really want people to do this, it needs to be more interesting. Make fun of the lizard. Give me encouragement with beeps of horn every time I finish a page. Give me some feedback on what I've entered, like "Hey, DRIVER A. We see you've been accident free for seven years! We'll be sure to send one of our reps to your neighborhood in one of those cute Progressive cars to help cause a fender bender so you're rates will go up! Now, tell us about Driver B." The savings seemed huge, like half the price for the whole year, until I realized that I actually clicked "no coverage" for either car. Oops. No energy to go back and change it all and not exactly sure what I was paying for if what I printed out said "no coverage."

Costco.
The brochure on Costco's Wall o' Brochures promised up to 20% savings. After filling out their horribly-clumsy web forms, providing waaay more information than the other sites AND having agree to a credit check and giving my social security number online before seeing the rates, I had about had it. I almost quit several times through, but was determined to find us the lowest rates possible.

Toward the end, I had to give a username and password. Every time I entered a username, it kept telling me that they were already claimed. I went through all the obvious names (and many less than obvious) and it told me all them were claimed. Finally, completely frustrated, I entered my username as "thissucks." TAKEN. Seriously? "thissucks" was TAKEN?? Seriously.

Finally I typed -- or rather mistyped "thissucksbigtim" -- notice the missing "e" -- and then it was accepted. Don't know who Tim is and don't want to find out, but FINALLY, I was on my way to seeing the savings. And when I got the quote it was -- are you ready? It was about $300 HIGHER for the whole year.

Deciding that only over my dead body would any of these plans be reasonable, I called Sandy back, ready to find out exactly how much lower she could go. I asked about what every little thing meant on both our homeowners and auto policies. Car rental. Towing. Glass replacement. Bodily injury. Comprehensive. Flooding. Fire. Theft. She was patient and kind, a lot like Marge, but without a gun.

Turns out we can't "renew our policies" until later this summer, but in the meantime, we plan to meet with Sandy to learn more about what we are paying for and to cycle out of the random billing method and back to a monthly payment plan. Because really, to avoid additional fees, (as with avoiding pregnancy by the way), timing is everything. Random? Rhythm? Certain methods are simply too risky this frugal parent. I'll take my monthly statement, thank you very much.

So, we're right back where we started. Sort of. We'll likely have lower rates to the tune of about $300 a year, billing we can budget for and a better understanding of what would happen if a rock hit our windshield or if I ran into Sandy -- in the grocery store or in the middle of busy intersection.

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