Croc Hunter Stalks Male Child
by Lisa Barker
G'day, mates. I'm the Crocodile Hunter and we’re here
today to view the daily habits of the impressive child
of the human species. Crikey! Look at the size of
the mess he’s created!
Now, the most notable thing about the male child is
that he’s always wearing his shirt backward. See,
this is how he makes himself presentable to the rest
of the world. He thinks he’s clean now because the
spots are in the back.
Now, we’re going to enter his room and this is very
dangerous because, well, as you can detect with your
nose, there’s a pair of wet swim trunks hidden in this
room that are growing mildew because they’ve been left
here so long. Crikey! It smells like a locker room
for mating chimpanzees!
But let’s keep looking. We just might unearth clues
that will actually help us identify when the male of
this species develops the habits that will totally
repulse females of the species. Yeah, here we go,
mate. Look at that – it’s a pair of boxers, a t-shirt
and socks mere inches from the hamper. Crikey! It’s
like there’s some sort of invisible force preventing
him from actually depositing his soiled clothes into
the hamper!
Now this is an important discovery. It means that the
male of the species, while not born with this lazy
trait, develops and perfects it roughly by the age of
eight years. Mums, take note. Use this information
to curb this tendency. But be careful! If you’ll
look closely, you’ll see that the young male does not
use toilet paper…you’ll want to use a long stick when
you pick up these articles of clothing.
Now people ask me, “Mate, what attracts you to this
disgusting line of work?” Well, I just have to say
that I LOVE the male child, especially since I was one
meself.
Look at this! It’s ingenious! See, to the ordinary
observer, it appears that the room is totally trashed,
but what you are actually looking at is a
sophisticated filing system. The male of the human
species knows exactly where each article of clean
clothing is. He knows where every book, homework
paper and Lego piece is. It’s really a very brilliant
system designed to prevent sisters from entering his
room thus ensuring his complete privacy. So Mums
beware….
Look at this! It’s a pair of underwear here, hanging
from the knob on the dresser!
This chaos and sloth harkens back to the dawn of time.
Cavemen didn’t have closets, dressers and hampers.
So it’s actually a form of repression requiring your
son to make use of these things. So instead of
yelling at him…just grunt, scratch yourself and whoop
it up. He’ll understand. He’s male after all.
About the Author: Jelly Mom™ is written by Lisa Barker and syndicated through Martin-Ola Press /Parent To Parent and is available for newspapers, websites, e-zines and
newsletters. For more information and details, please
contact editor@parenttoparent.com
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