Dear Mom,

I know you mean well, but I respectfully disagree with
your choice in clothing.

I really don’t want to wear anything but my Nemo the
fish sandals.  All right, your suggestion that I wear
a diaper turned out to be a good one, but really.
Don’t I just look stylish as I am?  I mean, look at
the Crayola Marker tattoos.  Do I really have to wash
them off or cover them up with unnecessary clothes
like a shirt and a pair of pants?

I’m telling you, Mom, it’s not really that cold this
winter.  But don’t worry.  I promise to wear a coat
this summer and you’ll never be able to peel it off me
no matter how hot it gets.

Another thing, Mom.  If you really want me to put my
shoes on the right feet, why don’t you buy right shoes
that curve left and left shoes that curve right?

How do you expect me to pick out a matching outfit if
you’re the one that buys every color of the
rainbow—which I like, mind you.  I just don’t see why
you don’t like me wearing all my clothes at once when
I finally do want to put clothes on.

And I thought the outfit I picked out for my first day
of pre-school was excellent.  What’s wrong with swim
trunks, Ugg boots and a fancy pink hat?  I want to
wear pink.  My older sisters wear boy colors and that
hasn’t prevented them from being girls.  Don’t worry,
Mom.  I’m still all boy.

In fact, I dress just like my eight-year old brother.
Like him I turn my dirty shirt around and wear it
backward so it looks clean.  Great idea, right, Mom?

And why can’t you buy twenty-three Spiderman shirts?
You know that’s the only shirt I really want to wear
anyway.  I’ll never tell that I have an endless
supply.  Just think of all the hissy fits you’ll have
me avoid!

Trust me, Mom.  Swimsuits can be worn while taking a
bath and rain boots are okay to wear in the swimming
pool.  They keep my feet dry, after all.

I also think my Halloween costume was just fine to
wear to Church last Christmas.  I don’t see what the
big deal was.  Pajamas can be worn anywhere at anytime
and I thought they looked great for our family photo.

I know you just want what’s best for me, but you need
to lighten up, Mom.  I’m going to dress like this
until I’m five and then I’ll conform to your
standards.  I promise!

That is, until I’m a teenager.

Love always,

Your Toddler