10 Tips for Parents Who Don't Get Out Much Without the Kids

1. Chuck E Cheese's tokens are not a valid form of currency (except, of course, at Chuck E Cheese's).
   
   
2. That's not a design on your shirt. It's Gerber's strained peas. Scrape it off before you go out.
   
   
3. Two minutes after you left your kids with the sitter, your toddler stopped wailing in the doorway and started playing contentedly with an empty paper towel tube.
   
   
4. That store with beds in it is a mattress shop, not a nap center for parents who had the 2, 4 and 5:30 a.m. feedings last night.
   
   
5. "Five-star" restaurants aren't theme restaurants for budding astronomers. They're the ones without crayons at the table, chicken fingers on the menu or changing tables in the restrooms.
   
   
6. A cocktail party is essentially a playgroup for grown-ups with booze. (Note: Sharing is frowned upon).
   
   
7. They don't sell glow sticks at the opera.
   
   
8. Your suitcase is the dusty one with the tags from your honeymoon flight still on it. (The one without Power Puff Girls on it).
   
   
9. Getting the flu while on vacation should be a disappointment, not a welcome opportunity to finally rest peacefully without having to create the cast of "Dragon Tales" in Play-Doh between sneezes.
   
   
10. Yes, eventually, you have to go home.