Hip Mom Rule #3: Trust Yourself

Parenting has become an increasingly popular area for study, critique, and self-help books. Each new published expert has, of course, discovered the best way to raise the cutest, smartest, most capable children. Any mom who is at all hip, is familiar with all the latest trends.

No hip mom in her right mind is going to express her opinion on parenting without first being able to qualify her statement with, "Well, if you take the time to read Brazelton" or, "According to Dr. Sears . . . and it's really been working for us!" Interestingly, few of these experts actually agree, so even if you do adhere to a particular philosophy, you will often run into opposition as you meet other hip moms who embrace the ideals of the other fashionable experts.

But I digress. Before I had my first baby, I was full of ideas and opinions on what makes a good parent. I read the newest books and surfed the most popular web pages. I was well on my way to being the most educated, hippest mom around.

From my reading, I made my list: No pacifier before four weeks old and NEVER as a comfort measure for sleeping, never crawl into bed to soothe a fussy toddler to sleep, no juice before two years old and absolutely no soda pop, no candy, never give in to a temper tantrum, don't rush the kids to the doctor for the sniffles, never use bribery in lieu of healthy redirection, and never freak out if your child isn't at a particular developmental milestone at any given time (as if any mother really compares her child to the other kids in the playgroup, right?).

So there we are, driving along the interstate in the middle of a several hour road trip -- a hip, cool mom and a screaming, unhappy toddler. I try Veggie Tales. I try singing. I try a sippy cup. I repeat my mantra, "I'm a hip, cool mom" over and over to myself. Finally, out of desperation, I do the unthinkable -- I pass back a package of M&M's. Instant happy toddler. Now we are a traveling duo of one sheepish hip mom and one contented toddler. Three "nevers" out the window in one weak moment -- bribery, candy, and giving in to a tantrum.

A hip mom knows that the experts are good resources, but ultimately every kid is unique and every situation is unique. Trust your instincts. Give in occasionally. And for all those out there who have an opinion on your parenting methods, always be ready with a cleverly worded, "Well, it's a pretty revolutionary idea, but according to . . . "


About the Author: Heidi Burns is a freelance writer, editor, and adjunct faculty member. She earned an M.A. from Iowa State University in 2002 and has since married, lived in three states, had two children, and adjuncted for four different colleges. Free time is elusive to her, but if she ever did find a spare moment, she would most likely take a long, uninterrupted nap. For more information and details, please contact Heidi A. Burns.