The other day I was riding in my van with three of my children (who happen to be all boys ages 5 and under. I know, lucky me!).   My oldest son always insists on sitting in the captain’s seat right behind the driver so he can “entertain” his baby brother.  His “entertaining” consists of the occasional “Hey Sammy, whatareyadoing? Whatareyadoing? Whatareyadoing?” at increasingly loud and annoying decibels.  Although this doesn’t seem to distract Sam from his endless whining and crying in the car, Jack seems to think he’s being oh-so-helpful.  As a mother, I feel so “blessed” with my little “helpers”.  I’ve got so much “help” I just don’t know what to do with it all!

If you’ve read any of my other articles over the past couple years, you can remember how even as a baby Tommy was watching and learning the art of sibling manipulation and torture.  In fact right after we brought Tommy home from the hospital and introduced him to his big brother Jack, he reached out his tiny fist and gave Jack a great big wallop to the face.  As the parent, I understood that Tommy was just moving around the way babies do.  Jack, however, didn’t see it this way.  In his eyes, Tommy had maliciously attacked him.  Little did I know, this would set the tone for their brotherly relationship (or lack thereof) for many years to come.

Back to the van.  Tommy sits behind Jack’s seat and loves to kick the seat to see and hear Jack’s reaction (which might I add is never good).  Jack proceeds to scream as Tommy kicks harder and harder.  It’s the same old song and dance EVERY TIME we go for a ride.  Tommy has also added an evil little laugh (imagine a cross between Ursula from the ‘Little Mermaid’ and the mad scientist from those old Frankenstein movies).  It’s very disturbing to me as his mother.  What have I created? 

Anyway, during one of the latest kicking episodes Jack’s knee-jerk reaction wasn’t to scream.  He simply asked me in the most calm and sincere voice (I could tell he had put some thought into this), “Mom, can we sell Tommy to a different family?  He’s bugging me.”  I really didn’t know how to respond.   Okay, I really wanted to say, “You know, Jack, I was thinking the very same thing.  How much do you think we could get for him?  Enough to go on that family vacation we’ve always wanted… Hawaii, Disney World?  Sounds like a deal to me!”  But being the all-star mom that I am, I didn’t.  I just replied, “Oh Jack, you don’t really want to sell Tommy.  We’d be so sad if he wasn’t in our family anymore.”  I didn’t actually see him, but I swear he rolled his eyes and shook his head at me.  Could I blame him?   

That got me thinking, what’s the going rate for moms these days?  Hmmm…